You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘New beginnings’ category.
I’m not gonna lie. It’s been a tough couple of weeks. Dealing with things that are not in your control can be really difficult, but ya know what, every once in a while you have to. So instead of moping and wallowing I’ve been active. I’m made some really positive changes in my life. Some that were long over due, and others were more of a restarting of something I’d slacked on.
One of those things is boxing. I didn’t realize how much I had missed boxing until I put those gloves back on and beat the hell out of my standing bag. It felt great and released a lot of frustration I had built up. I don’t ever want to slack on that again. So I won’t.
Another thing is writing. I’ve written so much in the past three weeks. This has just been the only thing I’ve been willing to share. I’m sure there will be much more in the future, but right now this is it.
Things aren’t how I want them to be right now, but I’m working on getting them there. Like I said at the beginning of this. It’s been a really tough couple of weeks, but I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok. I am, and always have been a fighter. 😊❤️
I have this long blog post ready to go. It’s just sitting there in word waiting for me to copy and paste it. The thing is, I just can’t. It so personal and really isn’t meant for the world to read. You see, it’s all about a boy. What I’ve written is probably best said just to him. If I can ever get the nerve to say it all. I probably won’t, but it’s there. Waiting. Saved. Begging me to post it. I won’t. I tend to share too much. I don’t want to post really personal shit and run the risk of pissing him off. It’s all good things but it’s way personal, and this just ins’t the place for that stuff.
I’m so confused and honestly hurt right now. Today is my 36th birthday and it has not gone like I had hoped it would go. It’s ending with a hurt Maggie. I don’t care for that. My birthday has always been a big deal for me, but this year for the first year ever it’s sucked.
So I’m home at an early time, in bed and typing on my computer. Hurt, a little angry and really not knowing where to go from here. So instead of posting the very personal, very real and very honest blog I’ve written, I’m posting this instead. Maggie’s 36th year is not off to a great start. I really hope tomorrow is better and that I wake up less confused and with more a direction as to where I want to be and go. And honestly, with less of a hurt heart.
So it’s time for bed. Happy Birthday, me. It might have been one of the worst, but at least you had another one. Here’s to making the rest of this year just a little bit better.
Today has been an incredibly sad day for those in the State Farm family. A coworker of ours was senselessly shot and killed in his driveway this morning. I didn’t know Mike well, but had just recently worked with him for about a week. He was one of the kindest people you could ever meet. He definitely had a presence to him. As I sit here still in utter shock I’m reminded that we are never promised tomorrow. Mike simply walked out of his front door and was shot.
This life is so short and we take that for granted. The worries and problems I thought I had when I woke up seem so very small and insignificant compared to what his family now has to deal with.
Several times over the past year I’ve made a promise to myself to live life to the fullest. I’ve posted for jobs that I haven’t gotten. I’ve taken chances on things I’d normally let pass me by. Somehow now that doesn’t seem like enough.
I don’t make resolutions but I do make promises and set goals. Today has made me set yet another goal for myself and I’ve made a few more promises. One of which is this. I will no longer let fear dictate things I say or the actions I take. I will no longer let the fear of the unknown stop me. So lookout world. I have some living to do.
Mike, I didn’t know you well but you made an impact on my life. You will be dearly missed.
Long time no blog. It’s been a crazy couple of months. I’ve meant to sit down and write so many times but just haven’t made the time. Lots going on like trying to sell my house! That’s right. I’ve lived in Calera long enough. I need out! I’ve found so many cute places downtown and I can’t wait to get mine sold so that I can make some 100 year old home mine. Ya!
On a completely different note I’ve come across a great newish artist. Elle King. Omg y’all. Her voice. Her music is amazing. She’s also Rob Schneider’s daughter. How bout that? Do yourselves and give her a listen. I’m currently obsessed with Make You Smile. 😊❤️
Give it a click. ⬇️⬇️⬇️ You’ll like it. I promise.
I sit here self absorbed in my own day to day living. How am I going to make the paycheck stretch for another two weeks? What is the guy I like thinking? What am I going to wear to work tomorrow? I don’t wanna do laundry. I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow. And then I read a blog post that a friend posted.
My friends are losing their son. The doctors have done all they can. There is nothing left to do but pray and plan. And here I sit complaining about things that their son will never do. He will never have a job. Never have laundry to do. Never worry about what others are thinking. How selfish have I been in my life? When I think of all the time I’ve spent feeling sorry for myself it makes me sick. These two pillars of strength never once complain. They go through the motions, give people the answers that are “nice” and “acceptable” all while they are dying inside.
I have no words of comfort for them. Nothing I can say will make things better. No amount of “I’m praying for you” or “if there is anything you need” comments will lessen their hurt. The one thing I can do is this.
From this day forward I will do my best to not waste a single second feeling sorry for myself again. I will live each and every day to the absolute fullest. I will thank God for the things I have and not focus on what I don’t have. I will smile at everyone I see. I will do the things in this life that are tedious or boring or just no damn fun because that little boy will never get a chance to do them.
Jenni and Matt, I doubt you will read this, but know that you brought into this world a young man who has touched my life. He has made a difference in me. You have made a difference in me.
I will be a better person, because of Garrett. Starting right now.
I’ve finally figured something out in my 35 years. I keep falling for the same kind of guy. Funny, cute, and smart. Sounds great right? That’s the kinda of guy you’re supposed to fall for. But the guys I fall for are different. How? …. They start out great and wonderful and genuinely seem interested. The BAM not so much. That would be ok. It really would, however these guys do one of two things. Slowly disappear or quickly disappear.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s perfectly ok for two people to think they like each other and then realize they don’t. That’s fine but tell the other person. Jesus! Why can’t people be honest? I hate that crap. You like me? Great. I like you too. You don’t like me? Well that sucks, but cool thanks for letting me know. I’ll move on. Not sure how you feel? Still trying to figure that out? That’s cool, but let a girl know. It’s much easier on both of us that way.
I realize guys probably don’t believe we can handle that kind of honesty. Maybe some of us ladies can’t. But 80% of us can. It’s the coming and going, being distant then available, and the not being honest that drives a girl wacko. This is what makes us crazy, fellas. We aren’t born crazy. Yall make us crazy. (I’m sure you could say the same about us.)
Why do the sweet guys always get overlooked? Give me a guy that sends “good morning” texts or that tells me I’m beautiful and it’s like kryptonite! Sorry, you’re too nice. I can’t handle too nice. Those guys need to learn the fine line between jerk and interested. But then…wouldn’t they become the confusing as hell guys that I just said drive women crazy? Poor guys. Yall can’t win for losing.
But how do you break the cycle? How do you give the sweet guy a chance when all you want is the good looking asshole? Hell if I know the answer to that, but I’m trying. I really am. And here’s how. Maggie is currently in the middle of a test. The test is to see if Tinder, yes Tinder, is really a full on “hook up” dating app or not. See I’ve tried crappy old plenty of fish, hell I even paid for Match.com in the past, but the same guys are on both of those sites. And while those two sell themselves as dating sites they’re really just glorified “hook up” sites. So why not just cut to the chase? Tinder here I am.
So here’s what I’ve done in an attempt to break the asshole cycle (they aren’t all assholes, I just like using that word. It’s descriptive) Maggie is swiping right on guys she normally wouldn’t. That’s right. The short guys. Balding guys. Not as attractive guys. I’ve met a few of them. One guy seemed really nice. We went out and had a great time. He told me some crazy ass stories about himself. My favorite was how he was arrested for attempted murder. Good God yall. Attempted. MURDER. CHECK PLEASE!!! Needless to say there isn’t gonna be date #2.
Ok so bachelor #2. This guy is tall (6’5″) and cute but in a goofy looking way. We made plans to meet but he had to cancel. That date has been rescheduled so more on him at a later date.
Bachelor #3. He started out as a nice guy but he is a straight up Tinder guy. Looking for a fun night and that’s all. I’m not into that so he had to go.
That’s where we are right now. One potential prince in a swamp full of frogs. After all of this I’m still holding out hope for tall, dark and handsome. I probably should stop. He’s the one who I’m pretty sure is pulling the slow disappearing act. Just wish he’d let me know. Honesty fellas. It goes a LONG way.
More to come… 😎
so much to tell. No time to tell it. I had really planned on sitting down today and writing, but instead I spent the day looking for houses online and watching movies. Ooooh well. Way too busy to write this week. Maybe I’ll get a chance sometime next week. Can’t wait to tell all about my adventures in Tinderland.
I’ve been fiddling around on the keyboard. Trying to decide if I post what I’ve written or not…
I’ve been looking forward to today for a while. Tonight is happy hour/girls night at Babalu. I can’t wait! I’m in need of some girl time and a few drinks.
After tonight begins the crazy summer. I’m off to Atlanta this weekend for some much needed Molly time and shopping. The cruise is in 25 days. I really can’t wait for that. Then there is the Fourth of July followed by the family weekend at the Uncle’s lake house. THEEENNN is the trip to Panama City Beach with a some friends. I can’t wait to get it all started!
At at some point I’ll write about it all and about a few other ideas swirling in this curly head of mine. Until then…
So I’m doing things a bit different tonight. See, this post is something that I would typically not post here, and would instead write in my journal. I just don’t feel like using a pen and paper to write tonight.
I’ve been a little overwhelmed by my own thoughts and fears today. It all revolves around me, who I am and where I am in this life. I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be at 35. Not even in the same time zone. I thought that by the time I was 35 I would be married, have a kid or two and be worried about saving for college for the kids. I guess my previous statement about not being close to where I thought I’d be isn’t entirely true. I always thought I’d have a good job, my own house and a convertible. I’ve made good on those. The only thing really lacking in my life is the family part.
Things have always come pretty easily to me. I had a great childhood and a great family. I was raised right and for the most part I’ve done what was expected of me. I basically fell into working for the company I work for. It helps when your dad, sister and brother in law all work for the same company. Family members with a good reputations will get you hired. Going from answering the phones to having a position that requires a college degree without having that college degree takes hard work, and I did that all on my own. I’ve carved out a nice little place in the world for myself and I’m pretty damn proud of it.
If I’m being honest with myself the only thing that hasn’t come easily for me is finding someone to share my place in the world with. I’ve come really close. I met a man who I fell in love with. I’m sure at one time he loved me too. I bought a house, we got engaged and then that ended. I’m not sad about that, I’m not upset, I don’t care anymore. That’s another chapter in my life that has come and gone, and if I’m being completely honest, I’m glad that’s over. I’ve moved on and couldn’t be happier.
I’m by no means lonely. I’ve gone out on plenty of dates. I’ve met some really nice guys. I’ve met some card carrying bat shit crazy guys too. From the guy who worked all day outside and didn’t shower before our date, to the guy who proceeded to tell me all about his two ex-wives and how they were crazy but he wasn’t, to the really nice, charming, smart and handsome guy that you really hope likes you, but you’re not too sure if he does, but you think he might, so you just try to sit back and wait to see if he’s gonna ask you out again.
It’s hard to find that person you’re meant to be with. Well it may not be hard. People meet every day. It’s the waiting that’s hard. Then you get to that wonderful place where you just don’t care anymore. You’re no longer waiting, you’re just there, content and happy with your life. For the most part, that’s where I am now. I’m happy. I’m content. And then, your youngest nephew turns 16 and the other three are in college and you realize you’re 35 and the odds of you having kids of your own grows smaller every single day. Then your dad tells your sister “it won’t be long now and you’ll be planning rehearsal dinners and weddings” and you’re just kinda sitting there realizing that those days may not come for you. Oh and now I’m just getting sad and that’s not what this was meant to be.
The fact is I am probably the happiest right now that I’ve been in a very long time. Probably since before I moved to Birmingham. Life is really, really good right now. Like I said, everything has come pretty easily for me. If the only thing I don’t have is a man and kids of my own, then I’m doing pretty well.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no hurry to get married and have kids. I may be 35, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to rush into anything. I’ve come too close to making a mistake before, I’m not going to make one now. I’m a firm believer that if those things are meant for you, then they’ll happen in their own sweet time, and that’s exactly how it should be. What was it I saw the other day? “Relationships are like farts. If you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.” Crude but very true and very funny.
So I’m gonna keep working. I’m gonna take my vacations. I’m going to do what I want, when I want to (time and money permitting) and I’m going to enjoy the hell out of every minute of this life that I’ve been given. If some man wants to sweep me off of my feet, I’ll let him. If not, I can carry myself pretty damn well.
Finding Maggie 