sigh

I have this long blog post ready to go.  It’s just sitting there in word waiting for me to copy and paste it.  The thing is, I just can’t.  It so personal and really isn’t meant for the world to read.  You see, it’s all about a boy. What I’ve written is probably best said just to him.  If I can ever get the nerve to say it all.  I probably won’t, but it’s there.  Waiting.  Saved.  Begging me to post it.  I won’t.  I tend to share too much.  I don’t want to post really personal shit and run the risk of pissing him off.  It’s all good things but it’s way personal, and this just ins’t the place for that stuff.

I’m so confused and honestly hurt right now.  Today is my 36th birthday and it has not gone like I had hoped it would go.  It’s ending with a hurt Maggie.  I don’t care for that.  My birthday has always been a big deal for me, but this year for the first year ever  it’s sucked.

So I’m home at an early time, in bed and typing on my computer.  Hurt, a little angry and really not knowing where to go from here.  So instead of posting the very personal, very real and very honest blog I’ve written, I’m posting this instead.  Maggie’s 36th year is not off to a great start.  I really hope tomorrow is better and that I wake up less confused and with more a direction as to where I want to be and go.  And honestly, with less of a hurt heart.

So it’s time for bed.  Happy Birthday, me. It might have been one of the worst, but at least you had another one.  Here’s to making the rest of this year just a little bit better.