I was recently reminded of this blog and have since remembered how much I used to enjoy writing. So let’s begin this journey again, shall we? So much has happened in the past two years I don’t even know where to begin.

Let see, how about the sad news first. My cousin Al passed away two days after my birthday. I’m still kind of in disbelief over that. I wouldn’t say we were close but I loved the guy and I know he loved me and if I ever really needed him he would have been there for me. Al had a hard road through this life but boy did he live. Have you ever heard a song at the perfect time that just made you lose it? That happened to me as I was driving back to Memphis for his funeral. On the way home that One Republic song “I Lived” came on. I pretty much immediately burst into tears when I heard it. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a song that completely encompassed one person’s outlook on life.
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
With every broken bone
I swear I lived
No kidding, Aloe. With every broken bone you absolutely lived. Through good and bad times you lived and laughed. It breaks my heart that I will never hear your laughter again in this life. You had the best laugh I’ve ever heard. I’ll miss and you cousin.

OK enough of the sad. How about we move on to the idiotic? In this case that would be me. Here’s the thing. After what, 2 years, Maggie decided that it was time for her to start that horrible experience we call “dating” again. Sigh… Let’s just start off with me admitting that I SUCK AT DATING. I mean it. I’m no good at it, terrible in fact. I don’t know how to do it.  Every relationship I’ve ever been in began fast and was hard and passionate and fierce. I didn’t ever really date.  I was just kinda IN a relationship.  Those relationships also all crashed and burned, hard. So I’ve learned that quick and fast isn’t good. What I’m learning now is how to approach a relationship as one should. Slow and steady and to just let it evolve.  I’m beginning to learn how to do that. You see I’ve grown a lot from the last experience.  I’ve learned that I need to be myself, idiotic episodes and all.  I no longer have a problem being myself.  I love myself.  I’m a pretty kick ass chick.  I can be a little much at times, I know this.  I can be loud and moody and very outspoken. At the same time I can be reserved, calm and quiet when I need to be.  I do have to be honest that I prefer happy go lucky Maggie.  She’s a lot of fun. She’s also a lot more self confident than the old Maggie was.  I know who I am, I’m happy with it, I just need to find a man who likes me as much as I do.  🙂

And that is where this really begins.  Dating.

Here is my biggest problem with dating. The game.  Good Lord the game.  WHY MUST WE PLAY GAMES??? Every single person I know complains about “the game” and asks “Why do we have to play the game?” Then they’ll say something like “oh, but you have to play the game.” For the love of all that is good and holy WHY? WHY do we have to play the game? Why can’t it ever be something as simple as “Hey, I kinda like you and would like to hang out a little and see if we’re a good fit. What do you say?” Why are there these unwritten rules that we have to follow?

My current favorite rule is the “you have to wait at least 5 minutes before you respond to a text message” rule. Oh sweet Lord, really? Why? People’s phones are all but glued to their hands in this day and age. I know mine is. I always have my phone on me and while I may not be using it all the time, it’s there within arm’s length. So when I get a text from ANYBODY, I’m always quick to reply. Why then when I get a text from a guy I’m interested in, do I have to wait 3-5 minutes before texting back? It’s silly and honestly unnecessary. Hell, you’d think that if a guy got a response about a minute after sending a text, that he’d be happy and know the girl was interested.  But no, apparently that makes us needy and too available. Why is it a bad thing to show interest? The quick text reply is as close to an actual phone call as we’re gonna get these days. No one talks on the phone and instead we all text. Texting is ruining dating. We’re supposed to talk, not type. How stupid would we sound if we were speaking to each other and the guy asked a question and then waited for 3-5 minutes for the woman to verbally respond? He’d think she’s a moron! So why then is it the exact opposite when it comes to texting? Respond too soon and OH, she’s needy.

Here’s another thing.  I’ve been asked if it would bother me if a guy I was talking to was talking to other women.  I have a yes and no answer to that.  In the beginning when you’re tying to figure out if you want to spend more time with the other person, NO, I don’t have a problem with that.  Go out with other girls.  Have fun.  Find the right person for you.  Hell, I do it.  I’ve come really close to marrying the wrong person.  I don’t want to do that.  I want a marriage like my parents.  They’ve been married for 46 years.  Those kind of marriages are hard to find.  So I want any man I end up with to be certain that I’m the girl for him, and I want to be certain that he’s the guy for me.  You do that by testing the waters with a couple of people.  So no, I have no issue with being one of a few girls a guy is “dating”.  I do have a problem with being one of a few after a relationship has begun, but I’ve talked about that over and over again on this site.  I’m not gonna talk about it anymore.

I honestly think my straight forward way of thinking is going to keep me from ever having another serious relationship again. I’m just too old and too tired of all the games to actually play them. I’d like to meet a guy that’s perfect for me and understands that I can be a little too trapped in my own head sometimes. I’ve recently been talking to a guy. Let me tell ya, I’ve basically done everything I can to scare this guy off. I might have actually succeeded. Yaaaaa (please note the sarcasm.) If I haven’t completely scared him away yet, this post should do it. Ha. I’m pretty sure I’ve put off a “I drink too much” vibe.  Lord, if he only knew the honest to God’s truth.  I will give him this, for some reason, I have no idea why, Maggie has decided to drink a lot. This isn’t typical behavior for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my beer and wine, but I’ve never really been one to drink on a regular basis. I’ve always been one to drink when I’m out with friends but never really at home. Until recently. So I’ve been having a glass of wine when I get home after work.  Works been really stressful lately and honestly, the wine has relaxed me.  So I get home and crack open a bottle of wine.  The next thing I know, all of the stupid rules start swirling around in my head.  Then my own thoughts on the stupid rules get mixed in and then I start texting. Ugh. Breaking rule number one. I get myself in trouble when texting. See, this guy doesn’t KNOW me. He doesn’t KNOW that I’m not a raging alcoholic and that I’m actually pretty cool and laid back. He’s seeing crazy Maggie. WHY DOES THAT COME OUT?

I was just reminded by one of my best friends that I am the holy grail. I’m 35, never married, no kids (amen), have my own house, a car and a great job. I’m not looking for a sugar daddy to take care of me and my 3 kids from 3 different baby daddies. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to end up with a guy who is able to provide for me and take care of me and who is willing to be a man. I’m a believer that there are specific roles for men and women in relationships.  I don’t mind helping bring home the bacon, but I want a man who wants to be the man of the relationship.  He’s supposed to be the problem solver, the one who fixes.  I’m supposed to be the nurturer.  Let me soothe and comfort.  You fix the problems.  There is a natural balance to relationships and I really think that women may age get accustomed to having to fill both roles that they don’t know how to take a back seat and let the man do for them.  Wow, this got really off topic didn’t it?

ANYWAY, I hate dating.  Hate it.  I just really hope that I can find a guy who understands I can be a little neurotic at times but I’m always able to reign it back in.  I want to find a guy who balances me and that I balance in return.  A partnership built on friendship, respect and love.  It really shouldn’t be so hard.  So, for any potential dude out there.  If you text me, and I text you back pretty quickly, please know that I’m not needy, I just respect your time, like you at least a little bit, and felt like texting you back then instead of waiting 3-5 minutes.  🙂