I’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time now.  I’ve thrown the words around, re-arranged them and put them back.  I’ve gone back and forth over if this was the right thing to do or not.  The decision I came to was to post it.  Why?  Because I actually care.  I am not bitter, I am not mad, and I’m no longer sad over what could have been.  What I am now is a woman who has been hurt and is concerned for another woman who has been hurt more than I have.

First things first.  I have finally let go of Brian.  He’s not good enough for me and I’ve finally realized that.  After all of the lying and cheating I am finally ready to have a life that he does not live in.  I’m so very tired of caring about a little boy who only cares about himself.  The “depression”.  HA!  Now I’m not saying that there is no depression.  I fully believe that he suffers from it.  I also fully believe that one can only get better when one wants to, and he does not want to.  He is perfectly happy in his misery and always will be.  He did confirm my biggest fear I had about our relationship.  After telling that poor woman Jodi that he could not and would not be with her back in February, he has gone right on back to her.  Now the Maggie of a year ago would be mad at Jodi.  The Maggie sitting on this couch right now has no anger toward her.  If she is what makes him happy then I’m happy for the both of them.  I really am.  But the thing is if she only knew the things he said about her.  I’m sure she could say the same.  He’s probably told her a lot about me, and I honestly don’t care because he will never be in my life again.  The thing is, OK, I’m gonna get real honest right now and it’s gonna piss her off but believe it or not, she is actually my concern.  So here goes…

Jodi,

He told me he was not happy with you.  He said that he didn’t like who he was with you and he felt that you put him down when he talked about church and things that were important to him.  He told me he did not want you, love you or want to marry you.  He said you made him see only the darkness. He probably told you the same thing about me.  I don’t doubt that for a second.  But here is the thing.  Brian Goodman cannot be trusted with a woman’s heart.  He doesn’t know how to love or care and he isn’t trying to learn those things.  Think about what you actually know of him and his relationships.  He was unfaithful to his wife from the get go.  For whatever reason, his fault, her fault, a combo of the two.  The man cheated.  He admittedly has never been in a relationship where he has not cheated on the woman.  The two of us, Jodi and Maggie, we were very much a part of each others relationship.  You were always there and I have been there for over 4 years.  Brian Goodman used us.  Both of us. He is using you now.  Please believe me when I say that I have no hard feelings towards you.  I don’t hate you, I don’t wish bad things for you.  I want for you what he has never been able to give you and what you deserve.  Happiness.  Here’s the deal.  I’ve read your blog.  I saw the happiness that was coming out of you when you decided to be happy and work on you.  The same thing happened to me and then I gave that all away in February when he came crawling back.  I was honestly happy for you as I read your blog.  I read the hurtful things you said about me and understood.  I was not mad.  Still not. Let me preface my next thoughts with this.  I in no way shape or form EVER, EVER EVER EVER, want Brian Goodman in my life ever again.  AT ALL.  He is a cancer to me that I want cut out.  I will never take him back even though I know he will try.  I refuse to attach myself to a man who is incapable of happiness and who cannot love anyone other than himself.  So this is not a let me talk you into leaving him so that I can have him.  HA!  Been there, done that and burned up his t-shirts.  With that being said.  Please Jodi, please take care of yourself first.  Please don’t believe his lies.  YOU deserve so much better than this man.  What I’m about to say may hurt, but I feel it needs to be said.  If he was serious about you, why is he still here and you still there after what, 9 years?  YOU deserve better!!!  I want better for you.  YOU are actually in my prayers that you find true happiness in the form of a man who will NEVER make you wonder if he is talking to another woman.  You know you wonder that.  I know you’ve checked my blog to see if I was talking to him.  If I would post about him.  That is no way to live.  That is no way to LOVE.  He is not worth it and you are worth SO MUCH more than he can ever give you.  Deep down you know that I’m right.

Do I think you will read this and think, “Oh my god Maggie thank you, thank you for pointing all of this out you are so right!”  No, I don’t.  I think you will read this and pissed as hell.  I wish there was someway for you to believe and understand that it is actually you, a woman I have never met, that I care about.  We are very alike.  We have both let a man snowball us with his pretty words and promises of what will be.  WE have both wanted him and wanted to be the one to “fix” him.  We would be the one to love him enough for him to “get better.”  He’s never going to get better.  Not until he actually does something about it.  If he is who you want, and he wants you and you two are meant to be together, then GOOD!  I loved him too long to completely hate him and I want him to be happy.  If that is with you, then awesome!  But, please know that he is so messed up right now and if you stand to have any chance of happiness with him, then keep doing what you have been.  Work on you.  Keep him out of your life until you know with certainty that he has actually changed.  A few months and pretty words do not change a man.  I know your story.  He told me a lot of it.  I know that you are a wonderful mother that would do anything for her son.  I know that you are a good person who is just looking for love.  You deserve so much better than what he can give you, and so do I.

So here is what I am willing to do, and I know you will laugh and won’t take me up on it.  When he does to you what he has done every other time, and I think you know deep down he will, I will be here to listen as a woman who knows EXACTLY what you are going through.  I am extending the olive branch of friendship if you ever want to pick it up.  It is my sincere hope that he does not break your heart.  It really is. If he does breaks your heart again just leave me a message on this blog and I will respond.  I hope I don’t have to but there it is.

Be happy.  Love yourself first and NEVER, love a man more than he loves you, especially Brian Goodman.  He does not deserve it.

Maggie

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