The day has finally come for me to tell you about the wonderful, fabulous, incredible Tenacious D weekend.  My friend Molly and I have been Tenacious D fans forever.  It’s what we bonded as friends over.  I will never be able to hear a Tenacious D song without thinking of my Molly.  A long time ago Molly and I were riding in my car, cause it’s the one we could smoke in, listening to the first Tenacious D CD.  We decided then and there that if they ever came anywhere close to Birmingham we were going.  About 6 years later I got a call from Molly.  She was freaking out and told me to sit down.  TENACIOUS D WILL BE IN NASHVILLE AT THE END OF JUNE AND WE ARE GOING!  I’m glad I sat down.  Immediately we got online and began searching for tickets.  The best we could get were limited view seats.  Without hesitation we bought them.  A few months later we hit the road.I picked molly up at her house and then began the drive.  At first we decided to NOT listen to all three Tenacious D CDs since we were going to the show and didn’t want to get burnt out on them. That lasted until the end of her street.  In went CD number one.  We were halfway through the seconds CD when we made to TN exit #6.  The infamous Boobie Bungalow exit.  Let me tell you a little about this exit.  This exit is just inside the TN state line and has an adult fun store, a gas station and The Boobie Bungalow.  We had stopped at this exit before on our way to Nashville about three years prior.  This time was so much better.  I pulled into the parking lot, intending to go in and buy a T-shirt or cup or SOMETHING.  Unfortunately for us, the place was closed.  This did not upset us as we realized it was a perfect photo op.  I parked the car and we jumped out.  Picture #1 was taken.

The infamous Boobie Bungalow

After a few pictures, I won’t bore you with them as they are more of the same, Molly and I fondling the OO’s in the sign, I heard Molly. THERE’S A DEAD BIRD OVER HERE! Sure enough I walk over and see a dead bird, how had apparently had too much fun at the Bungalow the night before, dead in the ash tray thingy. That deserves a picture I said and snapped away.

Too much boobie….

That’s when I noticed the corn field in front of the place.  I have this weird love/hate relationship with corn fields. I’m fascinated by them but they terrify me.  Probably because of the movie The Children of the Corn; I have my high school friends, Melanie and Allison to thank for that.

He wants you too Malichi!

It was after I took this picture that I noticed the blue Rav 4 pulling up to the parking lot.

Me: Holy shit Molly someone is pulling up!

Molly: What the hell, where?

Me: There….the blue Rav 4. 

An Asian man pulled up next to my car and then asked up what time WE opened.

Me:  Well the club opens at 4:00 but we don’t go on until 11:00

That’s not actually what I said but damn I wish it was.  What really happened is that Molly and I both looked at each other, then walked to the front of the club and told him the club opened at 4:00. The man stared at us and then drove off.

Me: Holy shit Molly that was too scary.  Seriously, he could have drug us out in to the cornfield and let He Who Walks Behind the Rows have us…. He could BE He Who Walks Behind the Rows!

Molly:  He is NOT HE Who Walks Behind the Rows.  Calm down Maggie.

Me (singing): Secret, Asian Man!  Secret, Asian man!  He’s coming to your strip club, and takin away your thong.

 

So back in the car we get and off to the big giant chicken that sits outside of the gas station next to the Bungalow.

Molly and the big ass chicken!

Me and the big ass chicken!

Molly and I took our turns taking pictures with the giant bird.  As we were walking back to the car I see the blue Rav 4 and the Asian man walking towards us saying something.

Creepy Asian Dude:  incoherent talking

Me: What?

Creepy Asian Dude: Do you want me to take y’alls picture together?

Me: Um…no thanks.  We’re good!

 That’s when I jumped in the car, slammed it in reverse and took off like a bat out of hell.

Molly: Whoa!  What’s going on?!

Me: Creepy Asian dude!  At the gas station!  Wanted to take out picture!!!

Molly: Get us the hell outta here!

And I did! He followed us to the exit and then went the other way.  Crisis adverted.  ON TO NASHVILLE!!!!

We pulled into Nashville and went to my Aunt’s house.  My Aunt and Uncle live in a barn that they converted into a house.  I love the barn.  It’s one of my favorite places on earth.

Doe, a deer, a female deer….at the barn.

Sign at the barn.

The next day Aunt Martha, Molly and I went shopping.  At one point, I, Maggie, had on an $865.00 pair of Manolo’s.  They were marked down to $409.99 y’all.  ON SALE!  I couldn’t get them but I totally tried them on.  Sigh….one day….one day.

Hello lover…

ON SALE!!!

With shopping over it was time for the concert.  Off to the Ryman we went.  We made it down the Broadway St and decided to eat at Merchant’s.  We had SUCH a good meal and then ordered dessert.  I ordered the key lime pie and Molly ordered the cheesecake.  The guy brought it out and it looked like he brought out two cheesecakes.

Me: Um, I didn’t order the cheesecake, but it’s no big deal, I’ll eat it. 

Dude with Dessert:  Um….yeah…..well…OK, if you’re sure.

Me: Totally sure.  Don’t worry about it at all.

This is when I notice Molly CRACKING up.

Me: What the hell is so funny?

Molly: You dumbass!  He brought you the key lime pie!

Me: But it’s not green???

Molly: REAL key lime pie ISN’T green Maggie.

Me: Ooooooh.  Ha…ha…yeah. 

Cheesecake

NOT cheesecake

With the pie, not cheesecake, eaten it was time to get to the show.  We made our way to our seats and began to try to keep from freaking out.  The first thing we noticed was how many people younger than us were there.  We had wondered if there would be any kids there but didn’t really think so.  Boy were we wrong!  The second thing I noticed was this….

Gotta look really closely….those are milk jugs on her jugs!

Her milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard.  She was one of two black people there.  I know this because when the seconds black person, another woman, walked by her she screamed LOUDLY WOO HOO!  THE ONLY TWO!  It’s nice to know The D transcends all races.

After the opening acts I was almost witness to a fight.  The guys in front of us had bought a poster that fell under the seats.  The kid next to the guy took it and sat on it.  I watched as these grown men got out their cell phones and began looking for the poster while the opening act was still playing. When the house lights came on, they saw the kid sitting on it.  They asked the kid if he bought it and the kid said he did.  The man asked if he paid with a credit card and the kid said yes.  You’re a liar the man said.  You can’t pay with a card, cash only punk!  They stared to bow up at each other while I softly began to chant, fight, fight, fight.  The kid eventually gave the poster back, left his seat and came back about 30 minutes later in a different shirt and without his baseball cap.  Yeah, we TOTALLY don’t know it’s you, dumbass.

Then, the moment we were waiting for came.  Tenacious D took the stage!

Rage Kage and Jaybles!

There were space squids, and a giant penis shaped phoenix.  I had to really look for the phoenix because of the damn limited view but there it was in all its glory.  At the end of the show confetti “erupted” from the phoenix.  It was SUCH a great show.  The kids next to us sang their hearts out along with Molly and I and I loved every minute of it.

Space Squid!

The “phoenix” and the kid that almost got into the fight.

Molly and I managed to make it back to the Barn.  We had to get around the Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney concert goers in their sun dresses and cowboy boots.  That show was pretty much across the street from where we were.  After turning around about 15 times Molly and I finally got going in the right direction and made it to the Barn safely.

That weekend is one of the best weekends I’ve ever had.  Almost getting dragged into a cornfield by the creepy Asian dude, shopping with Aunt Martha, drinking on the deck with Aunt Martha and Molly, seeing a concert that we NEVER thought we would ever be able to see with Molly.  You just can’t ask for a much better weekend.

And that children, is all I’m willing to tell from that weekend.  The story of the ice-cream and “Boss” will just have to be something Molly and I know about and laugh at.  Nothing like inside stories huh?

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