Random thought

Is it normal to feel stalked when you write a blog?   LOL.  I seriously feel like I’m being stalked. Oh well.  Hi stalkers!  I sure hope you are enjoying my blog. Have a look around but please don’t make me get a restraining order.  😉

Happy

I’m just so incredibly happy.  If I were any better I’d be twins. 🙂  Its amazing just how happy you can be when you change your attitude and stop depending on others.  Suddenly life is so clear and so beautiful.  I am no longer concerned with or bothered by people in the past. They hold no power and I honestly feel sorry for them.  They will never know the happiness I have.  

I smile every day because I want to. Not because I’m hiding.  I wish the same for my loved ones.  

I’m off to finish a really good book.  Laters.  😉

Please excuse my rambling but I apparently had a lot to say.

Ya know happiness is really a great thing.  Most people, when asked if they are happy, will automatically say “sure”, “yeah”, “I guess so” or something like that. I spent a long time thinking I was happy.  I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t as happy as I could have been.  I’ve realized now what was missing.  I was.  My own presence in my day-to-day life was missing.  I wasn’t making myself happy and was depending entirely too much on a man to make me happy.  I’ve realized that my happiness.  My true day-to-day happiness depends on me.  And boy, am I happy.

So what’s changed?  A LOT!  In 2010 I started going to a boot camp fitness class.  The only reason I was going was to make myself look as good as possible in my wedding dress as I could.  The less happy I was in my situation and the more stressful life was with Brian, the more difficult it was for me to go.  Well, I’ve started back.  And this time, the reason is not for a white dress, it is for me and only me.  I wake up every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4:45am and drag myself to the 5:30am boot camp class.  There are two trainers that rotate the morning classes, Amy and April.  Both are brutal for very different reasons.  Amy does the boxing, WHICH I LOVE!  I seriously can’t tell you how much I love punching the hell out of those bags.  I even went and bought myself my own boxing gloves and I’ve picked out my boxing name.  Malicious Maggie.  All I need now is a satin robe.  Amy makes me lift weights that I think are too heavy for me until I actually lift them.  She is also SUCH an inspiration.  She lost a ton of weight and looks killer.  I’d give my left arm to have her body and I’m working really hard to get there.  Then there is April or as I call her behind her back, the boot camp Nazi.  I seriously want to turn my car around when I see hers parked in the parking lot.  Her class is GO GO GO and I CAN’T CAN’T CAN’T, or at least I didn’t think I could.  Between the two of them I’m really getting great workouts that make my mind and body feel great.  I’ve come to look forward to the soreness.  There is also Brad who is also the owner.  All three of them are really awesome with checking in on my Facebook page and giving me words of encouragement.  I seriously could not keep my motivation going without them.  Boot camp makes me happy.

What else is making me happy?  My dogs.  Stella and Swarley are two of the cutest dogs ever! They keep me laughing and their unconditional love is just awesome.  They are learning to walk well together on a leash with just me walking them.  I’m doing better at that myself.  I’ve finally figured out the best way to hold each of their leashes.  You have to hold them in the same hand and just let the dogs tangle them up.  That way, if you drop one, it’s wrapped around the one you still have a hold of.  🙂  So yeah, my dogs make me happy.

I’ve also come across someone who makes me happier.  I don’t want to talk about him yet for a couple of reasons but mainly because that is mine.  All anyone needs to know about him is that I’ve smiled more in the past two months than I have in the past three years.  I am very content and very very happy.  And that’s all I’m gonna say about that!

Finally, the biggest change that I’ve made.  I’ve found my faith again.  I found it through myself, and the guy in the paragraph above.  I’ve had a friend tell me that when she went through a tough time she prayed for a man who could be a spiritual leader for her.  I’ve found that.  He kick started it but the thing that sent it into high gear and really smacked me across the face was the night of Easter.  For the first time I watched The Passion of the Christ and I cried for almost the entire movie.  I remember my father telling me when I was in 6^th or 7^th grade, “Maggie, God gives you 7 whole days a week, and all He asks for is one hour out of that week.  That is not too much to ask for.”  He was right and those words came rushing back at me as I watched Jesus’ death portrayed in that movie.  I thought about how selfish I’d been with my life.  I thought about all of the hurt, pain and anguish Jesus suffered for ME.  For all of us yes, I know, but He suffered for ME.  He died for ME.  It had never hit me that hard before and I felt so ashamed of myself.  I realized that, as cheesy as it sounds, I’ve been letting the devil win.  I’ve been lazy and letting him win.  I had been listening to little voice I hear every Sunday morning saying “You only have two days to sleep in, don’t go to church.”   HOW SELFISH IS THAT?!  Again, Jesus DIED a painful death and there I was not wanting to wake up early because I only had two days to sleep in.  I’m still so ashamed of myself.  But, I’ve changed that.  Now when that voice pops in and tells me to go to sleep, it is silenced by the scenes of that movie that play in my mind.  So finally, at the age of 32, Maggie is finally being the good Catholic and Christian that she should have always been.  It’s about damn time.  Thankfully I’ve chosen to be around a man who finally feels the same as well.  He even went to Easter mass with me.  🙂  But I said I wasn’t going to talk about him so I’m gonna stop.

My heart goes out to those who give the “sure”, “yeah” and “I guess so” answers to the “Are you happy” question.  If you can’t answer that question with a YES, then sit down and think about where you are in your life.  What is missing?  Are you too complacent in where you are?  Are you striving for anything or just going through the motions wasting your God-given days on this earth?  Have you become so set in your day-to-day routine that you’ve lost sight of your happiness?  If that is the case then WAKE UP!  Get moving!  Pray even if you feel stupid doing it.  Someone is listening I promise.  Find something you are passionate about and start doing it!  You will be amazed at the degree of happiness that comes flooding your way when you really focus on the positives and making yourself happy.  I know I was.  I now know that my happiness depends on me.  I know that for me to be happy, I have to wake up and start my day with a good solid hour of working out.  I have to appreciate the good things in my life.  I have to take time to laugh at my silly dogs.  And the most important thing, I have to take time out of my week to get up, go to church and appreciate and be thankful that I am here and that my God loves me.

It has taken a long time and a lot of heartache but if someone were to ask me now if I was happy, my answer would not be “sure” or “yeah” and it sure wouldn’t be “I guess so”.  My answer would be a thoughtful silence, followed by a sigh, followed by a resounding “Yes.”

Here’s to finding your happiness.  Maybe you need a Swarley too!

Swarley makes me happy!

Nothing much

So, there really isn’t much to tell right now.  LOTS going on.  Dreaming of my cruise, boot camp, new boxing gloves.  I’m pretty much a badass. 🙂  Life is really good right now.  I’ll write a real post soon. 🙂