So I’ve been having a bit of a pity party for myself today. Here’s why. I went on a date last Sunday with a really cute and nice guy. I had a great time. We talked over the week and then yesterday I went and met him and we wandered around the mall for about an hour. I had a good time and he seemed to as well. I don’t really expect it to go anywhere but we’ll see I guess. No big deal either way. That’s not really why I’m throwing a pity party. The reason is because I’m just bummed the hell out.

After being with someone for almost 4 years it’s hard to be alone again. I’ve found myself today thinking about Brian a lot. SUCH a bad idea. That’s the last thing I need to think about but the fact is I miss him. Or I miss the idea of him. I miss that human contact, the touch and feel of someone there. So that is the big question. Do I miss Brian or the idea of Brian? I wish I knew the answer to that.

 I do know that I had a really great date with the other guy last Sunday. I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun just sitting, drinking and talking. He’s a pretty cool guy, and cute too. So am I upset that the thing with him probably isn’t going anywhere, sure I am. It’s not every day that I meet someone that I am that comfortable with. For the first time and a very long time I was completely myself. I wasn’t worried about saying something stupid or really worried at all if he was going to like me or not. I know I’m a cool chick and I just figured he see that too. Not really a big deal. I’m in no rush to fall into a relationship right now, but the dating has been fun.

 I’d forgotten what it was like to have a guy’s attention solely on me. It was nice. I also know that I’m really tired. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of trying. I’m ready to just buy a bunch of hoody footies, camp out on my couch and never leave BUT I’m not going to. I’m going to keep putting myself out there in hopes that Prince Charming comes along. I’m ready for that. I’m ready to be swept off of my feet and to be madly, ridiculously, head over heels in love with someone who feels the same exact way about me. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that he finds me sooner rather than later.