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So I’ve been having a bit of a pity party for myself today. Here’s why. I went on a date last Sunday with a really cute and nice guy. I had a great time. We talked over the week and then yesterday I went and met him and we wandered around the mall for about an hour. I had a good time and he seemed to as well. I don’t really expect it to go anywhere but we’ll see I guess. No big deal either way. That’s not really why I’m throwing a pity party. The reason is because I’m just bummed the hell out.
After being with someone for almost 4 years it’s hard to be alone again. I’ve found myself today thinking about Brian a lot. SUCH a bad idea. That’s the last thing I need to think about but the fact is I miss him. Or I miss the idea of him. I miss that human contact, the touch and feel of someone there. So that is the big question. Do I miss Brian or the idea of Brian? I wish I knew the answer to that.
I do know that I had a really great date with the other guy last Sunday. I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun just sitting, drinking and talking. He’s a pretty cool guy, and cute too. So am I upset that the thing with him probably isn’t going anywhere, sure I am. It’s not every day that I meet someone that I am that comfortable with. For the first time and a very long time I was completely myself. I wasn’t worried about saying something stupid or really worried at all if he was going to like me or not. I know I’m a cool chick and I just figured he see that too. Not really a big deal. I’m in no rush to fall into a relationship right now, but the dating has been fun.
I’d forgotten what it was like to have a guy’s attention solely on me. It was nice. I also know that I’m really tired. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of trying. I’m ready to just buy a bunch of hoody footies, camp out on my couch and never leave BUT I’m not going to. I’m going to keep putting myself out there in hopes that Prince Charming comes along. I’m ready for that. I’m ready to be swept off of my feet and to be madly, ridiculously, head over heels in love with someone who feels the same exact way about me. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that he finds me sooner rather than later.
GOODBYE SHITTY 2011! The past year has been a real test for me. My relationship with Brian ended which looking back now is a good thing. We just weren’t right for each other. He was content in his misery and I did not like being miserable.
Getting off track here for a second but I have to share this. I got a message on the facebooks today from Brian’s ex-wife. I met her once and she seemed like a nice person. This was confirmed today. She sent me a very sweet message telling me that she was sorry that he didn’t have himself together and that once I remembered my self-worth, things would start to look up and be so much better. This was one of the nicest messages, if not the nicest message I’ve ever received. There was no reason at all for her to tell me that. She doesn’t know me, we’ve spoke maybe a handful of words to each other but there she was, Brian’s ex-wife, sending me a note of encouragement. That’s a caring person with a strong character.
I digress. Back to my intent of this post. Maggie had a date Friday night! And it was GREAT! I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun. We went to a bar downtown and then went for a walk up what seemed like a mountain. Now, this is a dude that I totally met on the internet. I’m not ashamed of it. BUT, I WENT WALKING UP A HILL TO A SECLUDED SPOT THAT OVERLOOKS DOWNTOWN BIRMINGHAM AT NIGHT WILL A MAN I JUST MET FROM THE INTERNET. I’m insane. I mean bat shit crazy. Who does that? Who meets a guy on the internet and then agrees to go for a walk, at night, in a place she is not familiar with, at night, WITH AN INTERNET GUY? Apparently, this girl does. Luckily he’s a really nice guy and didn’t kill me. There was a moment as we were walking that I brought it to his attention that if he had wanted to kill me, he was going to have an excellent chance to do so. He laughed and I got quiet for a second. But I survived. We walked up to the place he told me about and the view was gorgeous! Too bad it was cut short by the cop stopping to tell us we were on someone’s front lawn. We were in a clearing of grass with no house behind it, just the street and a house across the street. Apparently the richy rich house owner also owed the land we were sitting on. SOOO back down the mountain we went. Now, this was a pretty long walk, UP HILL and back DOWN HILL and I’m not in the best shape of my life. So you can imagine how nasty I was. I seriously looked like I do after an hour of boot camp. But this guy still held my hand, put his arm around me and kissed me at the end of the night. Did I mention he’s 2 ½ years younger than me and HOT! OH MY GOD IS HE HOT! I’m not gonna lie, when I walked up to him my first thought was, “Thank you God, I deserve this.” My second was “Are you serious? He’s too hot for me” and my last thought was “Don’t look a hot guy/gift horse in the mouth.” The man is gorgeous. He’s tall and solid. I mean SOLID. Like the freaking mountain we climbed. Ok, I need to stop talking about that now. Fingers crossed he asks me out for date 2 after my sweat fest.
On to day one of 2012. I am smiling as I write this. I have a date tonight, with a different guy. Yup, it’s official, I’m a pimp. This is another internet dude. I was supposed to meet him yesterday for coffee but I was stood up. He says he forgot we were meeting. I wasn’t mad. I’m still not mad. No reason to get upset about that at all. So he sent me a message today telling me he forgot. We talked for a while and now I’m meeting him tonight for drinks. (Y’all can’t see this but I’m doing a happy dance right now.)
So, the Year of Shittiness (2011) has ended and the Year of Maggie is beginning, with a date with another very good-looking man. It’s amazing. For the past 6 months I’ve been an emotional wreck asking God “Why me?” and having a pity party for myself. Now I’ve woken up and am realizing that I’m finally getting what I want and what I deserve. A date with two hot guys! Speaking of….it’s time I started getting ready. Wish me luck!
Finding Maggie 