People keep telling me that I need to find something to occupy my time.  That I should find a new hobby.  Well this is all about me, finding me and making me who I want to be inside and out.  SOOOOO Maggie is going to sign up for the Tough Mudder competition!  What’s that you ask?  Oh it’s a fun run course on CRACK!  Yes that’s right, 10 to 12 miles of mud, ice-cold water, fire walking and electric shocking!  I have officially lost my mind!  Here’s the link, check it out and sign up!

http://toughmudder.com/

Yes that’s right, I’m gonna find out just how tough this chick Maggie is.  I’m signing up for the Nashville event which is the last on the list for next year.  I figure I need A LOT of time to get myself in shape for this mother.  I can do it.  I know I can.  🙂  This has been playing in my head ever since I saw the webpage….

Yeah!  I’m a bad mamma jamma!

So as you can probably tell I’m having a better day today.  It’s amazing what lack of sleep can do for a girl.  I was up so late geeking out of this tough mudder stuff. I did NOT want to go to work today but I’m glad I did.  I had a good day at work.  My dad used to tell me that you have to be happy at work because you spend most of your life at work.  If you can’t be happy there you need to change something.  It amazes me how right my daddy is at times.  I’m really thankful for my job. I really like it and I’m good at it.  It’s funny how after all of this went down work was the last place I wanted to be.  I’m glad I made my butt get out of bed and go back. 

So where am I today on finding me?  Well, I’m not too sure.  Lord knows I miss Brian but today was a good day.  I’ve been in a good mood for most of it.  I haven’t talked to him today and I guess that’s a good thing.  We really need this distance for both of us to work on ourselves.  It doesn’t make it easier but what can a girl do?  I find myself Facebook stalking him.  I feel like that is the equivalent of when my friends I and would drive past a guy’s house in high school.  LORD we were so dumb.  The rule was if it was a guy YOU liked you couldn’t take your car.  You had to take your friends.  Then right as you get up to the house you scoot down in the seat so they can’t see you.  Like we were fooling anyone.  My favorite was the time I just HAD to drive by his house and my friend Lindsay was in the car with me.  I was driving and like a fool I ducked down WHILE DRIVING so that he couldn’t see it was me.  As if someone else in the town was driving a white Mitsubishi Mirage with Beatles stickers all over it.  I never have been accused of being a mental giant.  I feel like I’m doing that now.  I can’t bring myself to delete him as a friend. I probably won’t.  Who am I kidding, I know I won’t.  So there it is.  All day.  On my phone.  Stalking him.  Wondering where he is and what he’s doing.  I need help. 

I need to send him to the island of ex-boyfriends.  What is that you ask?  I’ll tell you.  The island of ex-boyfriends is a magical place where I send all of my ex-boyfriends.  Like you couldn’t figure that out.   Anyway, what makes this place so lovely is that it is a small little island in the middle of the ocean.  It has one palm tree and nothing else.  It is surrounded by sharks and there is a life raft about 200 yards off of the shore.  I had to give them a chance to escape!  Some girls just think of the ex-boyfriends as having died.  Not me.  I want them on that island knowing that escape is just over Jaws and his friends. 

But where do you put ex-fiances?  This is a new one on me.  Where do you put ex-fiances that you are still in love with?  Hmmm…. I don’t want him dead and I don’t want him maimed by sharks.  The simple truth is that he is still in my heart and that is where I want him.  I don’t want bad things to happen to Brian.  I love him enough to want him to be happy.  The last time we broke up I was pretty OK because I knew things weren’t over.  I have that same feeling.  We aren’t done yet.  I may be wrong about that, but hey, everyone has to be wrong once in their life right?

There I went…stalking again. It’s hard to just cut someone out of your life.  Especially someone you are in love with.  He’s training for a half marathon in September.  I’m proud of him.  He’s out there running in this heat.  I just hope he’s working on his internal self as well as his outward self.  He really is a great guy, he just can’t see it.  How do you set yourself back and watch people make mistakes? I was forced to but it’s still hard because we still kind of talk.  It’s wrong I know.  It was just yesterday I told him to leave me alone.  He’s doing a great job of that.  Me, not so much.  I just can’t seem to separate myself.  Man I’m pathetic.  But that’s OK, I won’t be forever.  Today proved that.  

This gal is gonna be OK.  I have to be.  I don’t have a choice.  I start back at my boot camp tomorrow.  God help me.  The heat and the lack of me really eating much at all is a recipe for passing out.  We’ll see how that goes.  I’m really looking forward to hitting something.  I love the new boxing instructor.  She’s pretty damn awesome and has gone through a lot of the same things I have.  She’s my motivation.  I think I’m gonna save some money and buy a punching bag and some boxing gloves.  I’ll set it up in the now empty guest room.  Some people have kinky rooms, I’m gonna have a butt kicking room.  It’s gonna be awesome.  When I’m done with myself I’m gonna dare someone to break my heart again.  Then I will assume the ass kicking pose.  You can’t see it right now but the sound that will accompany it goes like this…whoaaaaaaahhhhh.  Man I’m a dork!

Well I think that’s enough for today.  I’m off to watch Toddlers and Tiaras and feel better about myself.  At least I’m not a past her prime pageant mom!

One last thing…That song did such wonders for me when I put it on here…let’s listen again!

I’m a bad mamma jamma! Just as fine as I can be!  DAMN RIGHT!

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