My goodness its been forever since I’ve written anything.  SO much to tell.  Where to start.  First of all I’m really excited about how I’m typing this write now.  My awesome dad gave me a wireless apple keyboard for Christmas.  I didn’t even ask for it.  My even awesomer sister told him how much I wanted one and the keyboard became that great present that you open that you never asked for and never expected and but you got anyway and it made you think that Santa really is real.  So MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!  

This Christmas has been the best so far. Things between my oldest sister and I have never been better.  We have spent a lot of time together shopping, eating, drinking,  and just having a blast.  Thats been the best present.  Then mom and dad got here and added to the already large number of gifts under the tree.  I haven’t had a Christmas like this since I was a little girl.  

I’m gonna have to stop writing now.  It’s time to shower and put on new clothes and get back to the sisters house to take the boys to see a movie.  Life is so good.  :)

So I’ve noticed that my most popular post is the one about my amazing ass. LOL bum lookers! 

On a serious note I really need to write about my awesome cruise.  The 21 year old hottie I spent my time with and the weekend in Panama City Beach.  Post on those to come soon. :). Until later my lovelies!

Are you there God?  It’s me, Margaret.

My goodness, where to begin?  So much is going on and could be going on.  It is going to be one crazy summer I’ll tell you that much.

Let’s start with the good, wonderful, fantastic news. My leg is 95% better!  That’s right.  I’m almost back to 100%.  I was so very worried about this damn leg and my cruise but no more!  My awesome and pretty cute doctor gave me some water poof bandages that I only have to change every 3 days so NO ACE BANDAGES ON THE CRUISE!!!  I could not be more excited about this.  I’m going to have the BEST time and there is no one I’d rather be on a big ass ship that let’s face it, could quite possibly breakdown in the middle of the Caribbean, with.  That person is my best friend, my mother.  I’m dubbing the trip the Happy Mother’s Day/I’m not married to the cheating asshole cruise!  Mom is pretty damn excited too. We got a free upgrade to a balcony room.  That’ll be nice if the ship breaks down and we are stuck on Shit Ship 2.o.  Mom is bringing air freshener and a flash light just in case.  The next two weeks CANNOT go by fast enough.  I’m also pretty damn excited because Maggie May has lost a total of 25 pounds.  That’s right.  All of the steroid weight is GONE!  So me!

How the hell did I talk about the doctor’s visit and NOT mention what I saw on my way home from that? Bad Maggie.  BAD! OK.  (In my best Sophia Patrillo voice) Picture it.  Downtown Birmingham.  A cloudy Monday afternoon.  There I am, in my car talking to my dad on my cell.  I missed my turn.  Don’t ask me how.  I’ve been there so many times now that I could drive this in my sleep.  Well, obviously not since I missed my turn.  So I missed my turn and had to get back to University.  Anyone who has driven in downtown Birmingham knows that it’s a labyrinth of one way streets.  Maggie and one way streets do not mix well. I have a tendency to drive the wrong way, but that’s another story.  So I make it back to University and am stopped at a red light, still talking to my dad.  If you know me, you know I don’t cuss in front of my parents. (It’s the southerner in me).  The conversation went a little like this. “So the doctor was really happy about what my leg is looking like and he said holy shit a banana just drove by me.”  My dad, taken a bit back, asked if I smuggled any drugs out of the hospital.  Then I had to explain that a BANANA literally drove past me.  Too bad I was on the phone or I’d have taken a picture of it.  It was a large banana, about the size of a Ford Excursion, and had four people in it lined up in a single row.  HILARIOUS!  I doubt I’ll ever see it again.  It’s like Bigfoot, only it’s a banana and there are no molds of its footprints, because it doesn’t have feet. Cause it’s a banana…

What else.  Sad news here.  My very best friend, other than my mom, is leaving me and moving to Atlanta.  I’m insanely happy and excited for her but so damn sad I’m not going to see her every day. One of the things I am gonna miss the most is having here there to make fun of me.  Like when I told her about the banana car.  Or when I told her about the eagle that was in my back yard. An EAGLE yall. I swear it was an eagle.  It could have carried my Swarley away. And then there was today. When she told me my nail polish was opaque and I informed her it was not opaque as it was translucent.  Yes, I was wrong.  I found out I was wrong when I looked it up at lunch and saw definition #1, not translucent.  Yes, I’m a bit of a dumbass at times.  Who is gonna appreciate that on a day to day basis? Sad Maggie.

On a related note, I too have applied for a job in the ATL.  I had an interview two weeks ago that went very well in my opinion.  I’m really excited about the idea of moving to Atlanta.  Atlanta reminds me of home.  It’s like Memphis, but bigger, and more redneck.  I really need a change.  I’ve been in the ham for 9 years now.  I love my job and I love my friends here but there are too many bad bad bad bad memories here.  Too many bad and yes, good memories in my house.  Which brings me to the next thing.

Him.  Please don’t get me wrong on this.  There is no part of me what wants any part of him.  Believe that but dear sweet baby Jesus will I ever not think about him? It seems like every few months he pops into my head.  I’ve done so well.  Hell I don’t even have or know his phone number anymore. Which is a good thing!  Never thought that would happen.  But damn if he isn’t everywhere.  I think about him while I’m getting ready for work.  I think about him as I drive to work and desperately try to keep myself from looking for his car.  I’m fine at work until I hear a song that reminds me of him.   Hell that happened today.  I heard what was supposed to be our first dance song.  Then Sister Hazel came on, then Van Morrison.  UGH.  I hate that music was such a big part of our relationship since. Music has always been my escape and now I feel I have none.  Then there is the drive home.  You guessed it.  Looking for his car.  Most days I’m about to not think about him at all.  Those are the good days.  It’s the days like today that are the bad ones.  The days I have to put down my hair dryer, look in the mirror and remind myself I don’t love him anymore and that I could never trust him or be happy with him.  If it weren’t for the good memories I don’t think I’d have a problem.  The other day I was filling up the dog’s water bowl.  I spilled water all over myself because I forgot to put the filter cap back on it and when I turned it right side up, swoosh!  Water everywhere.  I was immediately reminded of the water fight I had with him and his son.  Little dude thought a water gun would bring me down.  LOL the spray hose of the kitchen sink proved him wrong.  That’s a good memory.   There’s the memory Sister Hazel always brings up.  Him almost falling over and then asking me to marry him.  I really wish I could forget that one.  There are the memories I have of him doing his stupid little dances all over the place. Him leaving cabinet doors open.  His hand on the small of my back in the grocery store.  Him being there for me when my grandmother died. Me missing him like crazy when he’d spend a week in DC and him coming home and the love I felt radiate off of him when he came home.  Then there is the memory of him begging me to take him back. Him telling me he was wrong and that I was the only one for him.  The only woman he would ever love and how if he didn’t marry me he would never get married.  Meeting him at the Mexican restaurant and seeing him with flowers.  Me not wanting to be there but going anyway.  Him telling me that I could take as long as I wanted or needed and that he was never going to give up until he had me back.  Him telling me that he was ready to ask my father again to marry me.  He echoed words I had said to him when we first met, “You’re never getting rid of me.”

It’s those words that haunt me and scare me.  I’m afraid that they are true, somewhat.  See, I don’t have him anymore.  Hell I don’t want him.  But I’m terrified that his memory will always haunt me.  That some part of me will always love him.  After all, when you love someone when your entire heart, with your entire being, and they break your heart and then beg you back and once again you give all of yourself to them and they smash you again, do you ever put your entire heart, your entire self back together?  That’s one HELL of a run on sentence.  I don’t think you do.  Dammit I really don’t think you do.  I’ve wondered very recently, and I think it’s because of all of the changes happened and that could happen, what would you do if he came back again? What would I say?  I’m sure kiss my ass and leave me alone would be some of the things.  But would I hesitate?  Would I consider?  What if he came back the same way, promising the world and all the jewels in the Nile?  What if I made him work for it a lot longer?  Would I take him back?  I’ll tell you one thing.  If that annulment hadn’t gone through the answer would be an immediate HELL NO.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not all weepy and saw over him anymore.  But I sure do wonder why I still have these thoughts.  I’ve head heartbreak before.  I’ve had ex-boyfriends I’ve thought of over the years.  But I’ve managed to get over them pretty quickly.  I guess having a broken engagement takes more time. That a fiancé is more difficult to get over.  I just really hope that I get this job in Atlanta.  It’d help me out a lot to not have constant reminders of him and what should have been.

I’ll tell ya.  The one thing that keeps running through my mind more often than I would like is why the hell did he come back?  Why break our engagement only to come back and say you were wrong and that you wanted us? That’s really the toughest part.  I wish I could forget February of 2012 to August of 2012.  If I could have those months erased from my mind I’d be much more at peace with it all.  After all, I’m the one who left him in December 2011.  He just had to take that from me.  Couldn’t let me be the one to end it.  I’ve also wondered if the only reason I took him back was to be “the winner.”  To be the woman he chose.  HA!  I’ve since learned that I AM the winner.  I don’t have to spend the rest of my life wondering if the man I love is cheating on me.  There is peace in that.

The one thing I’m not proud of is all of the hateful things I’ve said and thought.  I’m not a hateful person.  I don’t like that the situation brought me to say things I’ve regretted, however true they may be.  The thing I’m proud of is that I’m me again.  I’m happy.  I’m go-lucky.  Tee hee.  I go out.  I do things again.  Ya know. Every once in a while he would ask me where the old Maggie was and that he missed the old Maggie.  The Maggie he fell in love with.  You know, the Maggie he cheated on.  That Maggie got mentally beaten down and was made to not love herself.  Jokes on him.  The old Maggie came back as soon as he left.  I had missed the old Maggie too, but I like this new Maggie better.  She’s older, wiser, a hell of a lot of fun, and hotter than the old Maggie.  Seriously, the jokes on him.

Well that was a nice trip down memory lane.  I think I’ll pour myself a bottle of wine.  Play some sappy music and cry my last tears for the man that would have made me Maggie Goodman.  I like Maggie Mulrooney a hell of a lot better. It’s gonna take one hell of a man to get me to change my last name.  I’m looking at you at Ryan Gosling.

 

P.S.  Keep on reading.  Its about to get a whole lot better. You know who you are.

The thing about him…. its like she has lived what I’ve lived. Follow this blog y’all. :)

The new ride

I freaking LOVE this car!

Y’all this has been a great Valentine’s day so far!  The best one in a long time. :) I also had a great birthday!  I dont have time to post a real post but one is coming!

Until later!  Oh and don’t forget to tell someone you love them today!  Maggie….I love the shit out of you!!!

I CANT WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND!!! Friday needs to get here and get here quickly! Memphis bound for the birthday weekend! I’m seriously in the best place I’ve been in over a year. I have so many new friends that I’ve made over this past year and am so thankful for them. :) Now I’m ready to get back to Memphis to celebrate the 12th anniversary of my 21st birthday with hometown friends and family. BRING IT ON 33! I’m ready for whatever you’ve got in store for me. :)

OK.  So let me tell you about my experience at the DMV today.  I went in to get my driver’s license renewed. The lady in front of me was of Asian descent.  This is important.  So I’m waiting behind her when she gets called up.  She tells the lady that she lost her old license but has her passport.  I think to myself it’s a passport kinda day since I was leaving there to go apply for my own.  She then tells the lady that she needs to change her name and hands over a marriage certificate.  I glance down at her left hand to see how good of a job the hubby did and see no rings.  At all.  My very next thought was “She’s a mail order bride!”  Is that wrong of me?  I think so. 

Look who has finally decided to write something!  It’s been a while since I’ve written a real post.  Thank goodness I’m not one of those big blogs that people read daily or I’d have lost all of my readers by now.  I wish I had something witty to write about but I just don’t right now.  Not that I’m upset or depressed.  I’m not.  I’m actually really really good.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life in general and what I want and what I don’t want.  So let’s start with the simple things.

 

I WANT TO MOVE!  I am so sick and tired of Birmingham.  Growing up I moved a lot.  I hated it at the time but now I miss it.  I had gotten used to moving.  When I first got to Birmingham I switched apartments yearly to cope with not switching towns.  Now that I have a house I can’t do that.  This house….she’s mine.  I can’t just up and buy a new one every year or two.  I’m lucky that my job has offices all over the country, but there is one in particular that is screaming my name.  I desperately want to move to Dallas.  I wouldn’t have the same job, and I LOVE my current job, but I’d be in a place that has no memories.  Good or bad.  Birmingham has been good to me but the memories of my past life are choking me.  Don’t get me wrong. I’m completely over my past mistakes.  And by mistakes I mean wasting 4 years of my life on a liar and a cheater. 

Let’s talk about that for a minute shall we?  Oh the ex-fiancé.  So happy he’s an ex.  Right now, January 23, 2013 I can honestly say I am completely over him.  GOD that feels good to say, believe and know.  I’ve realized a lot about last year and why I made choices I made.  The major realization I made is this.  I took him back last February because I wanted to “win”.  I wanted to be the one he chose, not her.  Sick huh?  I’m so competitive that I was trying to win the love of a liar and a cheater.  How sad was Maggie 2012?  OK so the big realization…..I DID WIN!  I’m the one who actually wins in that situation because he is completely out of my life. I don’t have to spend the rest of my life wondering if the cheater is cheating!  My daddy said a long time ago, “A liar is a liar, is a liar. Once a man has lied to you he will never tell you the truth.”  How smart is my dad?  Seriously, why did it take me so long to believe it? 

So since I won, what is my prize?  It’s this.  I know exactly what kind of man I will be willing to change my name for.  (BTW, I was NEVER going to change my last name to the ex’s last name.  Should have been a sign huh?)  I’ll change my last name for the following: Honesty, good character, religious, caring, and a great sense of humor.  I don’t need a man who will send me flowers (but he should).  I don’t need someone to entertain me and expect me to entertain him.  Although spend a few hours with me and you’ll see I’m pretty damn entertaining.  What I need is someone who will love me enough, and show that love as only men do.  Ya know, provide, protect and let others know that you are his.  Three simple things that are so easy to do when you are a man of good character.  That’s what I want.  It’s going to take a good, honest man to make me trade in a last name that I take so much pride in. 

So those are the big things I’ve learned.  Let’s move on to what’s happened soon.  Well, I went and applied for my passport today. EASTERN CARIBBEAN HERE I COME!!!  I’m headed back to Memphis in February to celebrate the 12th anniversary of my 21st birthday!  That’s 33 y’all.  I’m really looking forward to that trip.  My very good friend Molly is coming with me again and we are staying with the Biffer.  This year I’ve got some cousins coming out too.  It’s going to be great birthday.  This year is making up for the oh so crappy 30th birthday.  I’m in too good of a mood to go into that. 

So really all that has been happening in Maggieville.  Happiness abounds!  Now if I can just get to Dallas!

 

I promise promise PROMISE that I’m going to sit down this weekend and write an actual post. PROMISE. LOTS to tell. :)  LOTS to look forward to in 2013! 

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